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Preparing for Motherhood: Practical Steps

Exploring the teachings from the Quran and Hadith, we discover not just spiritual wisdom but practical advice for our everyday lives. These divine words guide us in various aspects, from preparing emotionally to fulfilling our family roles. Now, let’s break down these teachings into simple, practical guidelines—a roadmap for those preparing for motherhood.

Emotional Readiness

Reflect on your emotional well-being and ability to handle the emotional demands of parenting. Here are tips, along with relevant Quranic verses and Ahadith:

  1. Patience and Gratitude: Cultivate patience during challenging moments, and express gratitude for the blessings of Allah. The intertwining of patience and gratitude acknowledges both as qualities that strengthen the believer fostering resilience, contentment in your journey, and trust in Allah’s wisdom.

وَأَطِيعُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥ وَلَا تَنَٰزَعُواْ فَتَفۡشَلُواْ وَتَذۡهَبَ رِيحُكُمۡۖ وَٱصۡبِرُوٓاْۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ مَعَ ٱلصَّٰبِرِينَ

And obey Allāh and His Messenger, and do not dispute and [thus] lose courage and [then] your strength would depart; and be patient. Indeed, Allāh is with the patient.

[Surah Al-Anfāl: 46]
  1. Seeking Help through Prayer: Turn to Allah in prayer during times of stress or uncertainty. In moments of stress or uncertainty, find solace by turning to Allah in prayer. Seek His guidance and support, recognizing the power of prayer to alleviate worries and bring peace to the heart. As the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said, “The closest that a servant comes to his Lord is when he is prostrating, so make plenty of supplication.” Embrace the spiritual refuge that prayer provides, allowing it to be a source of strength and comfort during challenging times.

وَٱسۡتَعِينُواْ بِٱلصَّبۡرِ وَٱلصَّلَوٰةِۚ وَإِنَّهَا لَكَبِيرَةٌ إِلَّا عَلَى ٱلۡخَٰشِعِينَ

And seek help through patience and prayer; and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly
submissive [to Allāh]

[Surah Al-Baqarah: 45]
  1. Emotional Expression: Encourage open communication within the family to express emotions and concerns. Embracing open dialogue strengthens familial bonds, promotes understanding, and builds a supportive atmosphere where each member feels heard and valued in a nurturing, harmonious family setting.

وَٱلَّذِينَ ٱسْتَجَابُوا۟ لِرَبِّهِمْ وَأَقَامُوا۟ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأَمْرُهُمْ شُورَىٰ بَيْنَهُمْ وَمِمَّا رَزَقْنَـٰهُمْ يُنفِقُونَ

And those who have responded to their Lord and established prayer and whose affair is [determined by] consultation among themselves, and from what We have provided them, they spend,

[Surah Ash-Shūrā: 38]
  1. Forgiveness and Compassion: Practice forgiveness and show compassion towards yourself and your loved ones. Embrace patience and perseverance as integral virtues in parenting. Remember that forgiveness fosters healing, compassion nurtures understanding, and patience becomes a guiding light in the intricate path of raising a family. Upholding these virtues aligns with
    the Quranic teachings, emphasizing the significance of forgiveness and kindness in building strong and resilient familial bonds.

خُذِ ٱلۡعَفۡوَ وَأۡمُرۡ بِٱلۡعُرۡفِ وَأَعۡرِضۡ عَنِ ٱلۡجَٰهِلِينَ

Keep to forgiveness (O Muhammad), and enjoin
kindness, and turn away from the ignorant.

[Surah Al-Aʿrāf: 199]

فَبِمَا رَحۡمَةٖ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمۡۖ وَلَوۡ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلۡقَلۡبِ لَٱنفَضُّواْ مِنۡ حَوۡلِكَۖ فَٱعۡفُ عَنۡهُمۡ وَٱسۡتَغۡفِرۡ لَهُمۡ وَشَاوِرۡهُمۡ فِي ٱلۡأَمۡرِۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمۡتَ فَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُتَوَكِّلِينَ

So by mercy from Allāh, [O Muḥammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allāh. Indeed, Allāh loves those who rely [upon Him].

[Surah Āli-ʿImrān: 159]
  1. Teaching Emotional Intelligence to be a positive role model: Embrace emotional intelligence as a positive role model by cultivating self-awareness and aligning your words with actions. Let your actions mirror your words, fostering accountability
    and truthfulness. By embodying emotional intelligence, you not only guide your child in navigating emotions but also exemplify the principles of honesty and integrity. Strive to be a living example, as the Quran says in Surah Al-Imran (3:110): “You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind.” Your commitment to emotional intelligence becomes a powerful lesson, shaping your child’s character in accordance with Islamic values.

حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ قَالَ‏: ‏ حَدَّثَنِي مَالِكٌ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، عَنْ سَعِيدِ بْنِ الْمُسَيِّبِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ‏: ‏ لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ‏.‏

Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “The person who is strong is not strong because he can knock people down. The person who is strong is the one who controls himself when he is angry.”

Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 1317

يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لِمَ تَقُولُونَ مَا لَا تَفۡعَلُونَ
كَبُرَ مَقۡتًا عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَن تَقُولُواْ مَا لَا تَفۡعَلُونَ

O you who have believed, why do you say what you do not do? Greatly hateful in the sight of Allāh is that you say what you do not do.

[Surah Aṣ-Ṣaff: 2 – 3]
  1. Time Management and Quality Time: Manage your time effectively to balance family responsibilities and self-care. Time and effort spent in raising your child with Islamic values contribute to your lasting legacy and can be a source of continuous reward in the afterlife. Prioritize actions that align with the teachings of Islam, fostering a sense of righteousness, compassion, and gratitude
    within your family.

حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ حُجْرٍ، أَخْبَرَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ بْنُ جَعْفَرٍ، عَنِ الْعَلاَءِ بْنِ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، رضى الله عنه أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ “‏ إِذَا مَاتَ الإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَمَلُهُ إِلاَّ مِنْ ثَلاَثٍ صَدَقَةٌ جَارِيَةٌ وَعِلْمٌ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ وَوَلَدٌ صَالِحٌ يَدْعُو لَهُ ‏”‏ ‏.‏ قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ صَحِيحٌ ‏.‏

Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him,
narrated that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “When
a person dies, his deeds are cut off except for three:
Continuing charity, knowledge that others benefited
from, and a righteous son who supplicates for him.”

Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1376
  1. Understanding Developmental Stages: Embrace the wisdom of understanding your childs developmental stages. Immerse yourself in knowledge about their physical, emotional, and spiritual growth, aligning your expectations with the unique journey each stage presents. Recognize that every phase is a divine design, allowing you to nurture them appropriately. Be patient, offering guidance in accordance with their capabilities, and infuse your parenting with Islamic values.

أَخْبَرَنَا يَعْقُوبُ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنُ مَهْدِيٍّ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا حَمَّادُ بْنُ سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ حَمَّادٍ، عَنْ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، عَنِ الأَسْوَدِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ “‏ رُفِعَ الْقَلَمُ عَنْ ثَلاَثٍ عَنِ النَّائِمِ حَتَّى يَسْتَيْقِظَ وَعَنِ الصَّغِيرِ حَتَّى يَكْبُرَ وَعَنِ الْمَجْنُونِ حَتَّى يَعْقِلَ أَوْ يَفِيقَ ‏”‏ ‏.‏

It was narrated from ‘Aishah that the Prophet said: “The pen has been lifted from three: From the
sleeper until he wakes up, from the minor until he grows up, and from the insane until he comes back to his senses or recovers.”

Sunan an-Nasa’i 3432

حَدَّثَنَا مُؤَمَّلُ بْنُ هِشَامٍ، – يَعْنِي الْيَشْكُرِيَّ – حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، عَنْ سَوَّارٍ أَبِي حَمْزَةَ، – قَالَ أَبُو دَاوُدَ وَهُوَ سَوَّارُ بْنُ دَاوُدَ أَبُو حَمْزَةَ الْمُزَنِيُّ الصَّيْرَفِيُّ – عَنْ عَمْرِو بْنِ شُعَيْبٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ جَدِّهِ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ “‏ مُرُوا أَوْلاَدَكُمْ بِالصَّلاَةِ وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ سَبْعِ سِنِينَ وَاضْرِبُوهُمْ عَلَيْهَا وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ عَشْرِ سِنِينَ وَفَرِّقُوا بَيْنَهُمْ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ ‏”‏ ‏.‏

Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-‘As: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: Command your
children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately.

Sunan Abi Dawud 495
  1. Dua for Emotional Well-being: Earnestly seek patience, wisdom, and a nurturing heart for yourself as a mother. Beseech Allah for guidance in instilling righteousness in your children, asking for their emotional well-being and steadfastness on the path of righteousness.

وَعَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «لَيْسَ شَيْءٌ أَكْرَمَ عَلَى اللَّهِ مِنَ الدُّعَاءِ»

Abu Huraira reported God’s messenger as saying, “Nothing is more honourable in God’s sight than supplication.”
Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah transmitted it, Tirmidhi saying this is a hasan gharib tradition.

Mishkat al-Masabih 2232

Mishkat al-Masabih 2232
  1. Reflect on Quranic Stories: Reflect on stories from the Quran, drawing lessons on patience and resilience. Examples are: the unwavering patience of Aasiya, the wife of Pharaoh, as she endured persecution for her faith; the resilience of Maryam (Mary) as a single mother, facing societal challenges with strength and trust in Allah; the patience of Prophet Ayyub (Job) during immense trials; the determination of Prophet Musa’s (Moses) mother, who displayed resilience and trust in Allah when placing her infant in the river e.t.c. These serve as powerful reminders that life, like motherhood, presents challenges, but through patience, resilience, and unwavering faith, one can navigate the complexities with grace and strength. The Quranic stories provide a profound guide for the journey of life and the unique path of motherhood.

وَٱذۡكُرۡ عَبۡدَنَآ أَيُّوبَ إِذۡ نَادَىٰ رَبَّهُۥٓ أَنِّي مَسَّنِيَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنُ بِنُصۡبٖ وَعَذَابٍ
ٱرۡكُضۡ بِرِجۡلِكَۖ هَٰذَا مُغۡتَسَلُۢ بَارِدٞ وَشَرَابٞ
وَوَهَبۡنَا لَهُۥٓ أَهۡلَهُۥ وَمِثۡلَهُم مَّعَهُمۡ رَحۡمَةٗ مِّنَّا وَذِكۡرَىٰ لِأُوْلِي ٱلۡأَلۡبَٰبِ
وَخُذۡ بِيَدِكَ ضِغۡثٗا فَٱضۡرِب بِّهِۦ وَلَا تَحۡنَثۡۗ إِنَّا وَجَدۡنَٰهُ صَابِرٗاۚ نِّعۡمَ ٱلۡعَبۡدُ إِنَّهُۥٓ أَوَّابٞ

And remember Our servant Job, when he called to his Lord, Indeed, Satan has touched me with
hardship and torment. [So he was told], Strike [the ground] with your foot; this is a [spring for a] cool bath and drink. And We granted him his family and a like [number] with them as mercy from Us and a reminder for those of understanding. [We said], And take in your hand a bunch [of grass] and strike with it and do not break your oath. Indeed, We found him patient, an excellent servant. Indeed, he was one repeatedly turning back [to Allāh].

[Surah Ṣād: 41-44]

Remember, incorporating these tips while seeking guidance from the Quran and Ahadith can help navigate the emotional challenges of parenting with faith and wisdom.

Work & Financial awareness

Income and finances may be a particular test for your family. But as previously mentioned (in choosing the father of your chilren), this should not be a factor that hinders you from having children, as Allah provides for his servants.

However in the context of preparing for motherhood, financial responsibility takes on additional significance. The below pointers are to ensure we approach this important phase of life with a strong foundation, aligning with our Islamic values.

Planning for Maternity Expenses:

  • Financial planning should include provisions for maternity-related expenses, such as healthcare during pregnancy and childbirth.

Sadaqah for a Blessed Pregnancy:

  • Engaging in acts of voluntary charity (Sadaqah) during pregnancy is believed to bring blessings. This can include supporting community initiatives or providing assistance to those in need.

Avoiding Extravagance in Baby-related Expenses:

  • While preparing for the arrival of a child, we should avoid extravagance in baby-related expenses. This aligns with the Islamic value of moderation and avoiding unnecessary spending.

Prioritising Family Needs:

  • Financial responsibility extends to prioritizing the needs of the family, ensuring that there is ample provision for the home and household and everyones overall well-being.

Investing in Islamic Education:

  • Allocating resources for the child’s Islamic education is an integral part of financial responsibility. This includes investing in materials, programs, and institutions that provide a strong Islamic foundation for the child.

Balancing Work and Motherhood:

  • Muslim women are encouraged to find a balance between work and motherhood, taking into consideration your family’s financial needs. It is vital however that working becomes secondary to the needs of the family unit and especially when it comes to the welfare and upbringing of the children.

Seeking Barakah (Blessings) in Finances:

  • Through mindful spending, responsible financial planning, and seeking Allah’s blessings, we can enhance the barakah in our finances, fostering a sense of security and abundance for the family.

Support System

  • Cultivate a strong support system within the family and community.
  • Islam is a religion that emphasises the importance of kinship and support for one another:

Abu Huraira reported: “The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘Allah created the creatures, and when He finished from His creations, the womb, got up and caught hold of Allah whereupon Allah said, ‘What is the matter?’ It said, ‘I seek refuge with you from those who sever the ties of kith and kin.’ Allah said, ‘Will you be satisfied if I bestow My favors on him who keeps your ties, and withhold My favors from him who severs your ties?’ It said, ‘Yes, O my Lord!’ Allah said, ‘That is for you.'”

Sahih al-Bukhari

Anas bin Malik reported: “I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) saying, ‘Whoever is pleased that his sustenance is expanded, and his age is extended, should keep good relations with his kith and kin.'”

Sahih al-Bukhari

Abdullah ibn Amr reported: “The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘The merciful are shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on the earth, and the One above the heavens will have mercy upon you.'”

Sunan Abi Dawood

Abu Huraira reported: “The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘Learn enough of your lineage to facilitate keeping your ties of kinship. For indeed, keeping the ties of kinship encourages affection among the relatives, increases the wealth, and delays death.'”

Jami` at-Tirmidhi

Commitment to Parenting

  • Understand the long-term commitment involved in parenting.
  • Recognize that raising a child is a form of worship and an opportunity for personal growth.
  • Clarify your values and how you want to instill Islamic principles in your child.
  • Integrate Islamic teachings into daily life, teaching your child about faith, morality, and compassion.
  • Embrace a balanced and compassionate parenting style, mirroring the Prophet’s (S.A.W) example.

Some supplications (Dua)

Seek refuge in Allah and trust in His divine plan for your family. Make regular prayers and dua for guidance, wisdom, and the well-being of your child.

Here are some important dua you can learn:

Dua for protection:

أُعِيذُكُمَا بِكَلِمَاتِ اللَّهِ التَّامَّةِ مِنْ كُلِّ شَيْطَانٍ وَهَامَّةٍ، وَمِنْ كُلِّ عَيْنٍ لاَمَّةٍ

“I seek protection for you in the Perfect Words of Allah from every devil and every beast, and from every envious blameworthy eye.”

Hisn al-Muslim 146

Warning against the evil eye:

إِذَا رَأَى أَحَدُكُم مِنْ أَخِيهِ، أَوْ مِنْ نَفْسِهِ، أَوْ مِنْ مَالِهِ مَا يُعْجِبُهُ [فَلْيَدْعُ لَهُ بِالْبَرَكَةِ] فَإِنَّ الْعَيْنَ حَقٌّ

If you see something from your brother, yourself or wealth which you find impressing, then invoke blessings for it, for the evil eye is indeed true.

Hisn al-Muslim 244

Dua for cure after illness:

أَذْهِبِ الْبَاسَ رَبَّ النَّاسِ، اشْفِ وَأَنْتَ الشَّافِي لاَ شِفَاءَ إِلاَّ شِفَاؤُكَ، شِفَاءً لاَ يُغَادِرُ سَقَمًا ‏”‏‏

“Take away the disease, O the Lord of the people! Cure him as You are the One Who cures. There is no cure but Yours, a cure that leaves no disease.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 5675

Dua for righteous children:

“رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا”

“Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”

Surah Al-Furqan, 25:74

رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ

“My Lord! Bless me with righteous offspring.”

Surah As-Saffat, 37:100

Dua for steadfastness in prayer:

رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلَاةِ وَمِنْ ذُرِّيَّتِي ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءِ

“My Lord, make me an establisher of prayer, and from my descendants. Our Lord, and accept my supplication.”

Surah Ibrahim, 14:40

Dua to fully submit to Allah

رَبَّنَا وَٱجْعَلْنَا مُسْلِمَيْنِ لَكَ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِنَآ أُمَّةً مُّسْلِمَةً لَّكَ وَأَرِنَا مَنَاسِكَنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَآۖ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ ٱلتَّوَّابُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ

“Our Lord, and make us Muslims [in submission] to You and from our descendants a Muslim nation [in submission] to You. And show us our rites of worship] and accept our repentance. Indeed, You are the Accepting of Repentance, the Merciful.”

Al- Baqarah 2:128

By incorporating these considerations with Islamic principles, we can approach parenthood with a strong foundation grounded in faith and wisdom from the Quran and Ahadith.

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